He sighs as he shuffles out of his middle school toward the pick-up line. His eyes scan the row of vehicles as he looks for his mom’s car. She pulls up, looking stressed, and he wonders what that will mean for him tonight. The outcome for the evening is not looking good. He peels open the door and climbs in. “Hurry up,” says his mom, “we have a busy schedule tonight.” Then she begins their usual routine of reviewing the schedule. The to-do list thickens each year he grows older: school soccer practice every night this week and traveling for club soccer on the weekends; other extracurricular activities include student council, National Honor Society, musicals, guitar lessons, voice lessons…Academically, there are ACT prep tests, exams and the never-ending pile of homework assignments each day. He’s a seventh grader with a CEO’s degree of busyness. At the bottom of the list, when he can squeeze in the time—if it doesn’t conflict with soccer, he isn’t grounded, and if all his homework is done—his parents allow him to attend youth group on Wednesday night.
This is not an unfamiliar story. This is the story being told of a very scheduled and stressed generation of teenagers who occasionally sit in our pews on Sundays. Youth workers know this story well. We hear and see the effects of over-scheduling on the faces of teens we encounter each week. Do you ever listen to him, look into his eyes, and wonder how in the world you can help it stop? I do. If only I could stop time, crumple up the activity list, and unschedule my students.
Responding to the Overly Scheduled Student
It was after observing this familiar story of my teenagers that I decided to schedule an event with the primary purpose of unscheduling my overly scheduled students. I know it’s ironic to schedule another calendar event as a way to unschedule, but it is one way to teach rest in the hurry-sick culture in which our students are growing up. This would be our very first retreat since I began as the youth minister at First Baptist Shreveport. My students were not quite sure what to expect. “Katie, what are we doing? What is a retreat?” One of my seventh grade boys informed me after the event, “I didn’t come because I thought there would be too much bonding time and people would cry and stuff.” What confused them more were the words in town. “What?! We are staying in Shreveport?! Why would we want to do that?!” My students are smart. They made a good point. Why would we want to stay in town for a retreat on a random weekend in November? Many of my students could think of many other more thrilling activities for their weekend plans. In fact, many of my students did find more thrilling activities to which to commit themselves.The registration began with approximately 20 students. As more descriptions were given for this retreat, called Breathe Retreat, more students began to ask for refunds. Retreats do not always attract a crowd, especially with the criteria of no cell phones, silence and solitude, playing outdoors, and staying in Shreveport. As we approached the week of the retreat, I received almost one phone call a night from parents letting me know their students no longer could come on the retreat. “She decided to go to a football game with her friend.” “He decided to play a pick-up game of soccer instead.” As we approached the day of the retreat, it became apparent that we would have more adults attending than students. The nagging voice of discouragement in my head was tempting me to cancel the retreat. “No one gets it,” I thought. “No one will ever get it.” The main teaching goal of this week was the calling of the first disciples, the calling of Jesus to drop everything in order to follow Him. We would center our theological focus on the words of Jesus to His disciples, “Come and see.” Come and see what Jesus has in store for you. The retreat had started when I began to feel the temptation to make exceptions for students who wanted to make partial commitments to the retreat. Yet, I knew this retreat needed to be different; it needed to require a full commitment, even if only from a few students. We ended up with 10 students seeking to be disciples of Jesus and taking the risk of a potentially boring retreat with way too much bonding time.
Rooting Our Retreat in Rest
In preparation for this weekend, I knew I needed rest. I thought about my adults who would come on the retreat: the guest speaker, worship leaders, cooks and adult volunteers. Every one of us is busy, and every one of us needs rest and a space to relax. From the beginning, I set a goal to manage every detail of this retreat with the theme of rest. From the planning of where we would stay for the weekend to the kind of food we would cook, I made an attempt to bring Sabbath rest to the center. I asked myself, “If I want to help my students learn how to rest, take a break, and take time to come and see Jesus, how does that look?”
The answer to this question is going to be different for each youth worker and youth ministry. Unscheduling will look different based on the personalities in a particular group. For First Baptist Shreveport, the answer looked similar to: Students arrived in a casual and relaxed one-hour window on a Friday night. Upon arrival and putting up their belongings, students had an hour just to chill. They were given no instructions other than to hang out with one another. The location we picked was a large home of a generous church member. The home is located on the Red River with a sand bar, pond and lots of green grass. Some students played with a football; others made sand castles on the sand bar. The meals chosen for the weekend were comfort food made by two women in our congregation. Warm homemade soup and grilled cheese sandwiches were served on a chilly Saturday. A late-night snack of S’mores was made over a bonfire on the beach. The food that was served would remind kids of home.
Three worship sessions were scheduled for the weekend, all taking place in a comfortable living room setting. Students sat on couches, singing and discussing Scripture together. The time frame for the weekend was flexible. There were set times for each activity with the mindset that anything could be pushed forward or back depending on the needs of the group. There was no reason to rush, to stress about the schedule, or worry if something did not turn out just right.
On Friday night, we made a bonfire on the sand bar and told embarrassing stories while sipping hot cocoa and cider. Bedtime was set for 10:30 p.m.—early for most of our students. They slept in until 8 a.m. Students were well-rested, walking down from their rooms in their PJs for a big country breakfast Saturday morning. Mid-morning, I instructed students to experience an hour of silence and solitude before lunch. They were given an option of lectio divina, going on a creation walk, reading the Bible, sitting in silence, etc. I watched as students used their time creatively. Although I had planned spiritual exercises for the students to do during this time, hardly any of them were interested. Several asked, “Do we have to do those things? Can we just do nothing?” It is amazing to watch students enjoy the outdoors with their heads up (not texting or occupied by their cell phones), gazing at the river, playing in the sand, smelling the flowers, or taking naps. Saturday consisted of four hours of free time with myriad optional activities. After a delicious hamburger dinner, another worship session, and a movie night with pajamas, popcorn, and candy bar in a home theater, the weekend concluded with Sunday morning Bible study and attending worship at our local church together.
Retreats Are Not Just Good for Students
A thought occurred to me after this event. I was not exhausted and sleep-deprived. I did not have the feeling that occurs some Wednesday nights after youth group or after a high-energy lock-in of “What just happened?!” As the director of this event, I experienced what this retreat intended to do for our students. I was able to breathe and enjoy spending time with my students with no agenda or strings attached. I watch my adult volunteers do the same. We were not expecting spiritual highs or dramatic altar call moments at the retreat. While at first, the small number of students attending discouraged me, it forced me to give up my expectations to the God whom I knew would be resting with us.
Retreats Are Not the Answer, but Are an Answer
By no means do I have a magical formula for retreats. I am no expert. If you were to calculate our attendance based on a success scale, I am positive we failed by numerical standards. Our retreat was not perfect. At the same time, a retreat is not the answer to solving the problem of overly scheduled students. However, a well-planned and restful retreat can be an answer and next step for your group toward this worthy goal. If the success scale had less to do with numbers and more to do with helping our students experience unscheduling and create margin in their lives, this retreat knocked it out of the park.
Responding to the Overly Scheduled Student
When I listen to my students, I have a deep sense something is not right. I bet you have this feeling, too. I get this knot in the pit of my stomach when I see their busyness, and I want to take action. I want to swoop in and save the day with Sabbath rest. While I may not be able to do this completely for my students, there is something I can do. I may not be able to change the culture, change the mindset of the academy, or get parents to understand fully what matters most; but I can shape my decisions as a youth worker with rest in mind. I can create spaces where students can breathe in some fresh air, play spontaneously, have free time, tinker on the keyboard, and create something new. I can say yes more when my students have ideas about activities they want to do and games they want to play. Ultimately, I can give my expectations to God, believing and trusting Him with the spiritual formation of my students. While I have a deep sense something is not right with our overly scheduled youth, I also have a deep sense God can and will meet my students on a sand bar, through the laughter they experience during a board game, and in Bible study and worship. For our youth group, an answer to our overly scheduled selves might be that our next step is an in-town retreat. Maybe it’s time for you to get away, too.
