If someone were to ask me about a typical day in the life of Sanctus Real, I would say that it’s not very typical. Each day is different, depending on whether we’re on the road touring, or whether we’re doing media interviews and visits, or whether we’re spending time at home with our families. It seems throughout the so-called ‘work day,’ there’s always an email, a phone call, or a text message that demands more time and energy than expected. Because we’re in a band, the day-to-day details might be different from what you experience in your profession – regardless of whether you’re in a band, work at a bank, are a school teacher, a policeman, a secretary, or a stay-at-home mom, the same concept rings true for everyone with responsibilities: The noise of everyday life has a way of drowning out the things that really matter.
The demands on your time get the best of you after a while – they stretch you thin, and our selfish nature begins to resent all that we have to do for ourselves and for others – whether that’s in the name of ministry and/or making a living. Too easily we lose sight of what we’re doing and why we’re doing it, and we become defensive, protective of our space, and unwilling to even evaluate and discern how to give ourselves to others in love and service.
When I wrote the song “We Need Each Other,” I realized I had allowed this same kind of busyness of life to really get to me. I realized I had become too busy to communicate my thoughts and feelings to those closest to me – family, friends, and partners in ministry. As a result, I had unresolved conflict in my life. There were things said, done, or left undone that I needed to deal with. However, something else always came first. I knew that in order to deal with any unresolved conflict in my life, I would have to step outside of my comfort zone and give a little extra to the people around me. My selfish heart kept telling me I didn’t have time to deal with the fact that my priorities were out of line – and that I was too tired to put the effort toward doing ‘one more thing,’ or even worse, that it didn’t really matter. The truth was that I was too scared, tired, and selfish to communicate honestly with the people most important to me. I was choosing “me” and ignoring the words of Jesus…
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift” (
If we are true Christ followers, we choose to remember and live by what He says are the greatest two commandments, to love Him and to love others as ourselves (Matt. 22:36-39). That means taking time to contemplate the heart of the Holy Spirit, and ask and receive discernment about who and what is most important to God as it relates to our lives, and then asking for wisdom in how to best communicate with people who’ve hurt us and with those whom we have hurt. Mustering up the courage, time, and emotional energy to do what’s right; to communicate thoughts, feelings, failures, and needs.
“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (
Jesus is the best example of the importance of communicating clearly, even when it’s uncomfortable. He knew what His calling was, He knew who was supposed to be around him as a part of His earthly ministry, and He followed that direction from His Father perfectly. He wasn’t always celebrated for how He communicated – more often than not, he was ostracized for it – even to the point of death. However, look at how His way of doing things changed the world – it offered salvation to you and me, and to all of mankind.
No, you are not Jesus and neither am I, however it is our goal to mimic Him by how we live our lives – how we love Him and how we love each other. Be intentional about how you’re spending your time – what things are you doing that are fruitful, and what things should you let go of? Who are the people you’re spending the majority of your time with, and how are they contributing to what God is doing in and around you – and vice versa? Take time to intentionally commune with God – hear His heart on your priorities and your relationships. When you’ve heard His heart, it’s much easier to walk forward, knowing that you are walking in line with what His plan is for your life and the lives of those around you.
Be sure that as you walk in His will you are intentional to communicate with those closest to you. Sometimes being direct, or even sharing things that are hurtful, is a part of living in healthy relationship with others. The bottom line is God puts people in your life for a reason, some to build you up, some for you to teach, some to remind you of Him, some to cause you to portray Him…and so much more. The bottom line is that we need the people God has placed around us, and they need us.
If you’ve failed to communicate with someone you love, or someone you struggle to love, now is the time to make that call, write that letter, listen, speak, apologize, forgive, and be forgiven.
“We never meant to hurt each other, so can we trust again? And take it as a chance to keep on growing? I don’t know why it doesn’t come easy, but I know that we could be happy if we’d only learn to love. I don’t want to lose you so there is nothing wrong with telling me what you need to keep our love strong. It’s just a part of being a family; taking the good with the bad and the ugly. We need each other, so what’s the fighting for? We need each other, please don’t close the door. We need each other through all the highs and lows. We need each other, because no one’s meant to be alone.” –Sanctus Real