During my first week on the job as youth pastor, an associate pastor on staff told me his theory on teenagers. He said they’re like children in adult bodies. I hadn’t worked with them long enough to know exactly what he was talking about, but I quickly came to experience it firsthand.
On the outside, most of them (especially juniors and seniors) appear to have the maturity and ability of an adult; and on many occasions, that’s what we experience. Every so often, though, they exhibit the immaturity and lack of follow-through of children, frustrating leaders who are counting on them to help lead. So, how do we respond when our student leaders let us down?
Letting Us Down
Student leaders are a different kind of animal than adult leaders. They are young people who are still trying to figure out who they are. When they let you down, it’s more often a case of immaturity than willful disobedience. We have to hold them to a high standard, but we also have to show them grace, understanding and acceptance continually.
A friend of mine who has been a pastor for 10 years was one of those students in high school. A student leader, he showed up drunk at one of his youth group’s events, devastating his youth pastor. He still was figuring out who he was, but all the youth pastor could see was that one of his leaders was letting him down.
It’s easy for us to be disappointed in students who don’t live up to our expectations, but we can’t take things personally; we must trust in God to bring His good work in them to completion, as
Walking the Line
There are some things to consider, though, as they relate to student leaders who are engaged in a pattern of sin. My policy is this: If the student is engaged in actively fighting against the sin—that is, if the struggle is an actual struggle, then I will fight with him or her and encourage the individual to remain a part of the leadership team as he or she fights. This is an incredible opportunity for you to show support and model for your team how to extend grace to a fellow believer.
If the fight isn’t a fight any longer—that is, if a student is resigned to the fact he or she likes smoking pot too much to give it up, then it’s clear the person needs to step down.
In a situation like this, you must communicate very clearly. First, make it clear that you hope the student continues attending events; express your appreciation that he or she is a part of your community; and reinforce your wish for this student to remain a part of the group regardless of what he or she does outside the group.
Second, the person needs to know the door will remain open for returning to the leadership team should he or she decide to rejoin the fight. As we navigate this road with our students, we have to keep the end goal in mind: making disciples. Walking the line between grace and truth is never easy, but finding the balance is worth it.
