I started in college ministry in 1999 with some very unfortunate motivations, and I don’t think I’m alone.

I had pure motivations, too; but if I’m honest, at least part of me set out to build my own kingdom instead of serving the kingdom of God. I don’t like admitting that, but it’s the truth. As much as I could talk the spiritual talk, the truth is I was selfish and ill-focused.

Sure, God used my ministry in some very powerful ways. That’s no surprise. He also used a donkey (Numbers 22:21-35).

What was I doing that was so bad? Here are two indications that my primary motivation was serving myself.

Me or Them?
First, I was more concerned about people coming into my ministry than I was helping them grow and transition out in healthy ways. I lost sight of doing what was actually best for the people I worked with because I was building a ministry.

Of course, I wouldn’t admit that to anyone in my ministry. In fact, I rationalized my self-centered focus by claiming that authentic, godly people must be outwardly focused. It’s true that godly, Christ-centered people want to share the gospel with those who don’t yet know it; but in my case, it was arrogant motivations that drove me. I enjoyed the numbers of people coming to our Sunday night service and packing out buses for our retreats more than I did walking people toward Christ-like maturity (especially if their growth meant they would be moving on from my ministry). Again, I never would’ve said these words.

I did have some pure motivations, too. I just failed to see the long-term impact of my impure motivations on the lives of those I was focused on reaching.

Means vs. Ends
The second indication I was seeking to build my kingdom was that deep down I looked at the church primarily as a means for me to build my ministry. I loved the leadership, and many of the leaders still are some of my closest friends. For me, though, the critical crossing point was that I viewed the church as a recruiting tool for my ministry. I was more concerned about getting the budget I needed for my ministry than I was about the church stewarding God’s money in a holistic way. Deep down I wanted to have the strongest leaders rather than other ministry leaders having them.

I’m not sure I realized this at the time, which is part of why I wanted to write this article. Maybe you don’t see such motives in yourself. If not, I hope this article helps open your eyes.

I was hired to start a ministry, so I did. My desire was to be faithful. Everyone talks about the pure motivations we share; but I want us to talk about the unfortunate, messed up, wrong, sinful, gross motivations we have, which are totally opposed to the character and calling of Jesus.

Motivations such as:
– the inward competitiveness inside us that wants the growing ministry in the area that everyone is noticing;
– the desire to be looked at as a resource for other people;
– the part that loves to have a full voicemail, overflowing email boxes and people calling us to see what we’re doing because they’ve heard good things about our ministry;
– the arrogance that hesitates to push people to other ministries or toward resources that we had nothing to do with because these things are competing with our kingdoms.

These are all things that show us we’re trying to build our own empires. All of us have these self-centered motivations to some degree.

Truly Helping People
I would like to propose two challenges that can help you serve God’s kingdom instead of building our own.

Collaborate more than compete: Very few ministry leaders will admit they are competing with other ministries, but that’s exactly what is happening for many of us at the core. On secular campuses, ministry organizations are competing for the same students. The campus is viewed as a mission field (that’s the right way to say it), but that could be nothing more than a spiritually acceptable way of saying it’s a means to building our ministries. We don’t work with other organizations to reach the campus together; we just do the same things a little differently or a little better than others. Consequently, we’re not on campus for the kingdom but are seeking to build our kingdoms, which ultimately hurts our ministries.

What if you actually spent this summer praying with other campus-based ministry leaders and dialing in how your ministries actually can complement one another? What if you got together and made it a point to make a statement to the student body that you are truly unified? What if you operated less as separate denominations and more as players from the same team?

Encourage, promote and protect the local church: The truth is every student is going to graduate college at some point and move on. At this point, they are going to need connections to local churches.

Every campus pastor, residential life staff or parachurch campus-based leader I’ve worked with says they support local church ministry. As I know all too well, this is often just talk. I did my own thing, never taking what they were doing into consideration as I planned our annual calendar. I was more concerned about my kingdom. That came first. That’s what I was called to focus on, or so I believed.

If you do support the local church, how are you doing that in and through your structure and programming? Does your approach complement what others are doing, or is it duplicating everything a local church is doing, thereby competing for the same students? How are you seeking to build relationships with the leaders in the churches in your area, and how are you actually connecting your students with them?

Please know I am able to identify some of these things in others because I see them in myself. To avoid allowing my unfortunate motivations to drive my decisions and direction, I need to be honest about them. I hope you will be, too.