I had just returned to Bible college overseas from my summer break in Arizona. I saw my good friend Karen. She was a very lively girl with red hair and an infectious smile. When she saw me, she ran and gave me an enthusiastic and joyfully tight hug. She practically jumped on me. Her hug was gladly received. It was good to be back!

I wouldn’t have noticed anything special about Karen’s hug because it fit her personality, but it was drastically contrasted to the hug–or more accurately, the awkward grasp–that came next. Another mutual friend, Michelle, who I know just as well as Karen was approaching. Maybe it was the joy and excitement of being back in school and seeing close friends, but I approached Michelle with the intent of receiving a good old-fashioned friendly hug. I didn’t expect a hug such as I just received from Karen, but a genuine hug nonetheless. Yet, my euphoric experience of being welcomed back to college was cut short when Michelle turned my body and arms to force a pat on her shoulder as if we her posing in a father-daughter picture from the 80s.

You guessed it. What gauchely transpired in front of everyone was the despised side hug. Not only did it deflate my current ambience, but it was felt by others in the room. It was such a socially awkward hug that it sucked the life and joy from the environment that usually accompanies the reunion of old friends.

If mere acquaintances shouldn’t bear hug each other after recently meeting, then why would close friends side hug each other? Why is there a complex? Does it come down to each individual–his or her background, personality and preference? Or is it a biblical conviction, a theological guide or a moral engagement? Maybe it’s the many false implications that come with a hug in western culture and Christianity. It is ironic that although America is deeply entrenched with widespread pornography coupled with a decaying of sexual morality, non-erotic touch is rare in society. Maybe that’s one reason we feel the need to side hug–because platonic hugs are so rare in western culture, it is hard to view real hugs as being chaste.

If this is true of our culture, then it is heightened within the Christian church. Although we probably can agree that males are more prone to the physicality of sexual impurity than women, some have gone so far as to suggest particular men might somehow receive physical gratification from a normal hug. Anything other than a side hug in a best-case scenario, could serve as some sexual temptation for them. Thus, regardless of the relationship, Christian women have been encouraged not to hug people of the opposite sex. If they must, they are taught to opt for the side hug. While the mentality behind this practice is prevalent within the western church, some seem to have had enough. With other friends, Ryan Pann wrote and performed a song at the 2009 Encounter Generation–an evangelical youth conference. The rap song was titled “Christian Side Hug” and became widely viewed on Youtube. It is really funny; but if it isn’t a parody, I am really worried about how out-of-touch the Christian message of sexual purity is, not only among the generation of our youth but the western church as a whole . Some of the lyrics are:

“We livin’ holy,
“It ain’t no thang,
“So put your hands in the air and let that shoulder hang.”

While we must admit there can be sexual predators in and outside the church, I think it’s far from normal to hold that all men somehow would be sexually aroused from a hug, let alone think twice about it. There are many types of hugs out there: a close embrace, a bear hug, a squeeze, a clasp and a cuddle. They all have their own time and place. Obviously, no one needs to cuddle with anyone except his or her spouse, but let’s give place for common sense.

Is there a time and place for the side hug? Sure there is; even I give and receive them, bbut, don’t be so medieval as to force the torture of a side hug upon a friend as if you are sparing the person sexual temptation. Think more highly of your friends and more lowly of yourself. Remember, this is why I hate the side hug–and I’m not a huggy, touchy-feely kind of person.

If your conscience leads you to hug a friend with arms out and three feet between your waist and theirs, then who am I to say otherwise? As for me, if you’re my friend, (male or female) give me a hug that reflects that relationship.