One defining experience of my life was losing a close friend when I was in the seventh grade. One of my friends, a high school sophomore at the time, was hit by a car and killed while running his cross-country route.

This experience, and many others along the way, have taught me that the death of a teenage friend can be very traumatic to a school, a group of friends, a team, or a youth group. Youth leaders always should be aware the death of a teenager in a community can have far-reaching influences and consequences beyond mere grief. Many teenagers do not cope well with death, including teens who profess a strong faith in Jesus; so we particularly should be aware of ways we can help teenagers process their grief in healthy ways.

Here are a few tips to consider:
• If a teenager has died, bring the group together and talk openly about their feelings. Talking openly not only helps teenagers process their emotions, but being with others who are grieving offers a sense of strength and community that cannot be had in seclusion.
• If you have had an experience grieving the death of a friend, share from your heart. Share your faith, too. Let the teenagers know you have experienced these same emotions—and that you know how they feel.
• Listen. Don’t try to cover the moment or sugarcoat death with platitudes or constant chatter. Silence can be a friend, too. Listening to someone is more important than speaking to someone.
• Bring other adults into the conversation, too. Use counselors, pastors, school officials and church elders to offer individual or private counsel as needed.
• Be aware that grief is not assuaged overnight. One conversation is not adequate. Many people may grieve for months or years—and this is normal and healing. Keep a record of important anniversary dates for grief in your group (anniversaries of funerals, birthdays of the deceased, etc.). Honor those dates and remember our friends who are with the Lord.
• Surround those who are grieving with comfort, care, and most important presence.