I grew up refusing to go to Sunday School, not knowing what a youth program, leader, or retreat was until I finally agreed to go with a friend in eighth grade. Anna, however, signed up for every class, group and choir the church had to offer. For Anna and me, my mom was our spiritual mentor. Anna always related to the faith in our lives better than I did. She memorized Bible verses, sang in church, and enjoyed prayer time and devotions with my mom. It just seemed more natural to her than it did for me. I, on the other hand, simply went along with it all because it was something I was supposed to do—another chore.
Things changed drastically for me when I was a junior in high school. On Sunday mornings, I attended TREK, the high school program at my church where Sterling Moore was and still is the youth pastor. TREK was a great place to hang with my two buddies. The three of us always sat in the back of the room, at times being disruptive—of course never getting involved with worship or the lesson Sterling presented. I don’t know his reasons—maybe because I was a crazy, ADHD/LD kid, and it was better to draw me in than let me draw attention to myself—but Sterling singled me out from the group. Sterling went out of his way to get to know me and edged his way into my life without me noticing. He made me feel important, and I grew to trust him. He selected me to be a small group leader in TREK, showing confidence in me and always encouraging me. Through the years, Sterling has kept me within his reach. He is a mentor. Sterling was the first of many mentors I have been blessed to have in my life.
Anna, following three years behind me, also joined TREK. Unlike me, she always was taking a front-row seat and sang the worship songs with her whole heart. She was an enthusiastic member of Sterling’s group, and she would come home from church gladly sharing the Bible lesson she learned. She willingly took the next step and joined D-Group, a discipleship group that requires a written commitment for those seeking spiritual growth. Though she was constantly seeking a connection, Anna did not share the same experience I had. Maybe it was because Anna seemed as if she had it all together. Anyway, she went through four years of youth programs literally unnoticed.
Meanwhile, I graduated high school and I am working toward a degree in youth ministry. When I was in high school, with an ACT score of 16 and without goals, I never planned to go to college. However, because of people such as Sterling in my life, who modeled a lifestyle I grew to desire, who guided me and coached me, I grew in my faith and have a relationship with Jesus Christ. Ultimately, my life has purpose.
What about Anna? Anna left high school and transitioned into the workplace. She met new friends and left the familiarity of her old friends, aging out of youth ministry programs. Though she did not leave home and the mentoring relationship with our mom, as her new life drew her out of the home more, the relationship weakened. Anna’s interest in church and the traditional spiritual disciplines also have weakened and become a burden in her new life. Anna’s whatever worldview is cause for concern and ongoing prayer in our home.
It is a significant transition to leave high school and enter college or the workforce. The familiar circles of family and friends are gone, including the church and youth groups attended for many years. This leaves teens faced with overwhelming confrontations and choices that need to be made. Although not always deliberate, one choice that is made is to drop out of church. A study by the Fuller Youth Institute found that Anna’s story represents 60 to 70 percent of the teens who drop out of church and drift away from their faith after they graduate high school. This statistic should be of great concern to the church and our youth ministry leaders. The basic task of youth ministry is to grow a next generation of faithful followers—ultimately, to build the church. If 70 percent of the next generation is drifting away from their faith, then something needs to be done…something needs to change. There is a need for a paradigm shift in youth ministry from a programmatic approach toward a holistic approach. We need to get to the Annas before they transition out of high school, and there is no better way of doing this and impacting a life than through a mentoring relationship.
Bigger Is Not Better
Churches have fallen into the trap of gauging the success of youth ministry programs based on participation numbers or how many teens are hanging out in the church’s game center every night. The large attendance numbers may make us feel more successful; however, we are losing sight of the fact that individuals need individual attention. In fact, the large numbers actually can be a detriment to the student who gets lost in the numbers game. Anna was eager to join D-Group when she became a junior. The D-Group program had a large attendance with as many as 12 individual groups in her age category. Anna did not feel comfortable in the group she was assigned to; she couldn’t connect to the other girls. Not giving up, she submitted a request to be moved to a different group, hoping she would fit in better. Her request fell through the cracks, and so did Anna.
The news is out that mega programs don’t work. In 2007, the renowned Willow Creek Church acknowledged that creating programs and measuring participation did not necessarily help people develop spiritually and that they needed to rethink their old assumptions. Youth leaders are too busy trying to develop programs and activities that are not boring, ignoring the fact that teens today have a different set of needs. Teens today are surrounded by entertainment, and they don’t need to be entertained by the church. Teens crave authentic, intentional relationships; all of the fun events, retreats and guest speakers in the world cannot create a life-changing impact of a mentoring relationship with men and women who live life within the body of Jesus Christ.
The Power of Mentoring
The Old and New Testaments are full of examples of the power of mentoring. Jesus as the ultimate biblical foundation had a ministry that drew crowds. However, His most effective ministry was when He selected a few. Jesus walked the same road His disciples walked. Jesus did not just preach a message and tell stories. He did not just plan a big weekend event and invite His followers. Rather, Jesus did life with His disciples. The ministry of entrusting spiritual life to a few is God’s way of building into the next generation.
Youth leaders and adults who share their lives with a teen create lasting impressions; however, there are fewer caring adults in a teen’s life than there used to be. Let’s take another look at Anna’s story. We know Anna was trying to grow spiritually and connect to others with the same desire. What if Anna’s D-Group leader’s intention was not only to lead the small group once a week but also to get personally involved in the girls’ lives and develop a relationship with each of them individually? Now let’s say Anna expressed that she was not fitting in with the other girls in her group. The different outcome of the scenario is obvious: Anna’s leader, her mentor, would be there for Anna to help her find a new group, and Anna would not fall through the cracks. If we were asked to look back on our lives and name something that mattered the most to us, we would not name a program; we would name a relationship. Youth leaders do not need to be center-stage superheroes; they need to mentor by remaining close enough to the teen so the Holy Spirit can overflow into his or her life.
Replace Meetings with Mentors
A mentoring ministry is not a new idea. There are many books and websites devoted to the effectiveness of mentoring, mentoring in the workplace, mentoring students, mentoring at-risk youth and so on. However, even with all the evidence, our youth ministry programs are still too slow in making the transition and enhancing or replacing their meetings with mentors. The secular realm is getting the message, so why is it taking the church—the one place that has the foundation clearly laid—so long to get on board? Now is the time for change.
Implementing a mentoring ministry does not mean you have to shelve all your existing meetings and programs; a mentoring program can support the programs that already exist. What follows are three mentoring models that can work alongside existing ministries:
Friends and Family: When the students graduate from the high school youth program, they are matched with an adult from the congregation. The adult mentor and the parents stand with the teen and enter a mentoring covenant. The mentor and teen can meet weekly or monthly for Bible study, and in addition, get together for social activities with other adult-teen mentor pairs. The teens will develop a love for Scripture and remain involved in their church and continue to grow in their faith
Leader and Mentor: The adult leaders of the small groups, such as D-Group, also commit to a mentoring ministry with their students. As mentors, they offer resources and networks to help the teens through life’s transitions, living life with them outside their weekly meeting. The goal of the mentoring relationship is to help teens integrate their faith in Jesus Christ in their everyday lives.
Mentorship Camps: A mentor is paired with a high school junior that is connected to the church largely due to his or her parents or friends, and yet has not fully understood what it means to have a relationship with Christ. In order to create a bond, the camp experience would provide an environment that would encourage the teen to open up and connect to their mentor. The mentor will stay closely connected to the teen through high school and their transition into college or the workplace—with the hope that it’s for life.
A mentoring ministry is not a one-size-fits-all concept. God will prove Himself faithful as you plan and develop a mentoring ministry that best fits your church and your congregation. There is no question that recruiting adults to become mentors may be difficult. In the beginning, your mentoring ministry may be small. We can use the standard that Jesus used to measure His own ministry success, and that is the reshaping of and deep change in a few. We never may know what God will do with the moments shared in a mentoring relationship, but we can trust in the Holy Spirit to achieve His purpose for His kingdom.
Throw Out the Rope
The task of growth (spiritual and psychological) always has been difficult but even more so today. Teens are going through a period of change and questioning, taking in the opinions of parents, teachers, peers and the life-shaping power of the media, while feeling they must confront life and its stressors with maturity. I read once that old farmers in the Midwest still recall stories of the winter blizzards that were so fierce that farmers had to tie a rope from the house to the stable or barn so they were able to find their way. Without the rope, farmers would get lost in the blinding snow and freeze to death. The rope guided, encouraged and empowered the farmer. It was his lifeline. Like the farmer who is blinded by the snow, our teens are blinded by life’s challenges and need someone to throw out the rope to them. They need an adult to guide, encourage and empower them—not just during a meeting or a retreat or on Sunday mornings but from home to college to the new job to new relationships—because it is so easy to get lost and spiritually die without a guideline.
I had many wonderful adults throwing out ropes to me. I have no doubt that if I did not have my mentors, I would have ended up in a different place in life. Anna needed someone to throw the rope out to her, and she still does. Now is the time for change; we all are called to throw out ropes to the next generation. Jesus’ command to follow Him is the simplest description of our call as Christians. However, this simple command assumes a complex relationship. This simple command assumes a mentoring relationship. We can build the next generation one life at a time. That is the power of mentoring.
Nicholas Heffron has a passion for mentoring ministries.
