Administration. For some of us, it’s our white unicorn. We can imagine it. We maybe are able to tell others about it, but we never can grasp it. Oh, we try. We pull out our calendars and drop an event here and there. We make to-do lists, and we imagine ourselves delegating those lists to groups of qualified adults, and then…we don’t pull the trigger; or we give up; or we lose our to-do lists; or we remember the event that’s happening tomorrow, and we’re distracted by the fact that we haven’t prepared chaperones, food or a program.

Why are administrative skills so elusive for many us? Why do we struggle with calendaring, forecasting and pulling off an effective youth program? Is administration really only a spiritual gift, one that is given to a select few people whose clothes are always perfectly pressed, hair neatly combed and whose office supplies are always neatly arranged?

The gift of administration isn’t only for the select few. Sometimes, it helps to hear from others who are wrestling with the elusive administration unicorn. So, we’ve gathered three youth workers to chat through a few questions about their administrative joys and struggles. We hope that peeking behind their curtains will encourage you as you seek to grow in your abilities to get things done effectively in your youth ministry.

Liz Ostrowski is a senior at Olivet Nazarene University, studying Christian education with a focus in youth ministry and a minor in leadership studies. Liz helped teach Sunday School for third and fourth graders at her home church of St. Paul’s Lutheran in Bourbonnais, Ill., before beginning her college experience. While in college, Liz has been involved with the youth board at her church and worked with the local Youth for Christ chapter. Liz loves organizing calendars and helping plan and organize events.

Leneita Fix is currently the missions and training coordinator for BowDown Church and Urban Youth Impact. Leneita has been involved in youth or family ministry for more than 24 years, serving in rural, suburban and urban settings, camps, small and large churches and non-profits. She has authored or co-authored several youth ministry books, including Everybody’s Urban: Understanding the Survival Mode of the Next Generation, and contributes to several youth ministry websites and curriculum companies such as LeaderTreks, Simply Youth Ministry, Lifetree Family, Download Youth Ministry, ParentMinisty.net, InWord and YM360. Leneita is passionate about helping families grow together in Christ in every way. She loves serving with her husband, John, in their inner-city neighbor in Florida, where she lives with her kids ages 16, 14 and 13.

Kerry Ray is the director of student ministries for the five campuses that comprise Hope Community Church in Raleigh, North Carolina. Kerry is a youth ministry veteran of more than 24 years. His passion involves working alongside young ministry leaders, students and parents not only to discover the transforming message of Christ but also learn to engage others and in doing so to leverage their influence to make a real impact in a world. Kerry and his wife, Stefanie, live outside Raleigh, N.C., along with their daughter, Madison, 7; and son, Brooks, 1. You can find him on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram (@Kray2U).

YouthWorker Journal: Describe your biggest administrative failure. What did you learn from that experience?

Leneita: In my early years of ministry, I really liked to shoot from the hip. At that time, I would have told you that I was too busy to plan, communicate well and be ready for everything from weekly studies to trips. I can think of several huge administrative fails that were important to shaping the way I saw ministry in the future. However, the first to jump out to me was a total lack of working well with my small group leaders. I often was not ready with lessons, communication and materials in general for my small group leaders. In the early years of doing ministry, I had no real training in how to lead other leaders, so I thought they would just be resilient and keep showing up because they loved the kids regardless of how I treated them. Then two things happened: One volunteer decided one week to make up her own lesson and totally deviate from the one I had given her. This would have been alright except I had no idea of some her theological beliefs, which were slightly controversial. Within two hours of students arriving home, I started getting angry phone calls from parents saying, “You taught my child what?” At the time, most of the parents I worked with were not in church, so the fact they were so upset was shocking. Yet, there were outright threats to pull their children from youth ministry. I had to sit down with the leader and get more information about her beliefs and clarify some expectations in teaching. This also was the first time I “fired” a volunteer. In addition, it took a while to smooth out some things with certain families. On the good side, it forced me to be a better partner with parents. Not long after this, I started losing small group leaders left and right. They didn’t want to have to figure out what was going on in the youth ministry. They wanted some direction or at least clarity of expectations. It was a mess all the way around. I had to jump in and start learning some leadership skills that went beyond students ASAP.

Liz: My biggest administrative failure probably would be this past summer when I had to plan a location for my summer small group with students. We did a moving small group between homes in the community so not one person would have to host all summer. I was timid in asking people to host, so often the location was not known until a day or two before. I learned that it never hurts to ask; the worst someone could say is no. Had I been more willing to ask people whom I did not know, I would have been able to plan our schedule of locations at the beginning of the summer instead of doing it last-minute every week.

Kerry: OK, it’s question number one, and my cover is already blown. Here goes nothing: “Hello, my name is Kerry, and I’m an administrative and detail-minded student ministry worker.” Why are administration or attention to detail such dirty words in student ministry? Why do we celebrate or blow off shooting from the hip or being too busy to plan and communicate well? When you boil it down to the core essentials, we are asking parents to trust us with most precious of God-given gifts—their children. Trust is our currency with parents and volunteers. Trust is fragile. Trust has to be earned, as well as maintained.

In my early years of ministry, I didn’t understand the importance of earning and maintaining trust. My understanding of successful student ministry was that I just had to be the Pied Piper of teenagers. If I could attract hundreds of teens to be part of the church, then the pastor would be blown away and in my corner. I would have volunteers lined up around the block to serve because they wanted to be in on this, and obviously parents would just be so excited their kids wanted to be at church that they naturally would forgive any lack of planning or execution on my part. I was good at the programming and the Pied Pipering; but without the attention to building and keeping trust with parents and my volunteers, I quickly found myself outnumbered and frustrated. It was a good lesson learned early that forever would change my approach and me as a student pastor.

YWJ: What two administrative skills does every youth worker need?

Kerry: The two I feel that are the most vital to master, especially if you want to build and maintain trust with your parents and volunteers, are organization and planning. Both of these are doable even if you are not naturally administratively inclined. Far too many of us are cramming calendars full of events and activities without a clear idea of why, what we are trying to accomplish, or how we are going to measure how close to the target we actually got. With so many events going in so many directions, it’s no wonder we can’t communicate them well, execute them with excellence, or take the time afterward to evaluate their effectiveness honestly.

Organization begins with being OK with doing a few things and doing them well combined with sticking to our core values as a ministry. Before we consider adding an event or activity, our team has to define the win clearly, measure it against our core values, and then decide if we can do it well at this current time or should wait. We also are rigorous and ruthless when it comes to evaluation after an event. We decided to go with this event with a particular win or target in mind. We formulated a plan as to how to evaluate if we hit our target ahead of time. Then we make notes during the event and gather together afterward (while it’s still fresh) to see how close we got to our target. To do this well means that everything is always on the table and that you have to be willing to let your sacred cows become gourmet burgers.

When it comes to planning, I define that as the how of everything we do. We take a full-day retreat locally to plan our ministry calendar for high school and middle school. Our ministry calendars are set a year in advance. Believe it or not, being planned out doesn’t limit us but actually provides us with great freedom. Because we do a few things and do them well, we don’t really have a ton of events to put on our calendars. Each side of our student ministry has one major event a season, as well as weekly programming. This gives us some real freedom in our annual planning meeting to spend time looking more in-depth at these events, curriculum arcs, and our weekly programming and put some real thought into how to make them better or more effective. Planning for our team during this annual time also means the planning of our communication. With each event or special activity, we work backward through the calendar to set promotion dates, social postings, sign-up deadlines, etc. The more we have a clear understanding of our values, know our what and why, evaluate our effectiveness, and plan the how, the less time we have to spend putting out fires and trying to re-earn the trust of parents and volunteers.

Liz: As I have gotten more experience in youth ministry, I truly have realized the importance of being able to have at least a semester schedule for parents, volunteers and students. I work mostly with high school students who are extremely involved in their school programs. It is important to get dates for trips out at the beginning of the school year. With more advance notice, a family is better able to prepare and save for a trip. If you give plenty of time for them to save, students will be more likely to attend because it’s something they have been able to plan for with plenty of advance notice.

Leneita: I am not naturally administrative. Left to my own devices, I will figure out things as I go and procrastinate indefinitely. Yet, people often remark about my administrative abilities. This is entirely a learned behavior due to necessity. The two skills that have been vital to me staying in ministry for the long haul have been organization and planning. Organization includes truly praying and thinking through all the elements that need to be kept in order in my ministry. I have had to be strategic in figuring out all that is needed for each element of the ministry and then think through all that will be needed to help it function well. This may mean delegating or recruiting additional help. Planning and vision casting go hand in hand with organization. I am not speaking of merely putting a calendar in place; in addition, we need to let our teams, youth and parents understand what the end goal is for our ministries. Then they know exactly where we are going, even when we may have to readjust how to get there.

There are two keys to planning. First is to put together a calendar as Liz discussed. Yet, in planning, it is also about including the parents and youth in what they are looking for in the upcoming year. Invite them into the process, and this will help them take ownership. In addition, planning means thinking through details and possible scenarios. I have found that the more we organize and plan, the more we can focus on actual ministry. The more we have a clearly organized plan, the fewer glitches. We get to focus on the students more and the blowups less.

YWJ: What communication strategies work best when dealing with coworkers and parents?

Liz: Communication styles are different for communicating with students, parents and coworkers. I have found that social media such as Facebook and Twitter is the best way to communicate with students. We have a Facebook group that has our students as members where we post reminders about deadlines and important information. This is great for the students who were not able to attend our weekly meeting to stay informed. We are in the process of working on a better way to communicate with parents. Right now, we are looking into trying a parent email system. This is a piece of information that we include on waivers for events in case of emergency; it just takes a little bit to enter all the emails into an Excel document or an email contact group; but once that’s done, sending out email reminders is easier for making sure parents get the information instead of relying on junior high and high school students to relay the information.

Leneita: I am passionate about communication. If I were to pick one skill that is the most vital in ministry, I would say it is this. Yet, one of my mentors says it well: “Communication is not what you say. It’s what others hear.” We can misconstrue that communication is about talking at people and simply passing along information. Instead, communication is about clarifying expectations, sharing ideas and creating an atmosphere of participation. True communication should be invitational to a partnership.

So, the first thing I do is to ask people what method of communication they respond best to (e.g., social media, text, email, phone call). Maybe it’s because I like over-communication rather than under-communication. These are the methods I use most often to keep open lines of communication. I have heard it said that it’s a horrible idea to create several methods of communication. Yet, for me, I realize that sometimes parents are especially busy. There are times when I care more that they get information than they care to hear it. In other words, I possibly might want their children at camp more than they do. So, if this is true, my thought process is: “How do I help them know this is important to me?” Then I like to have parent meetings once every other month. These serve different purposes. Once a year, we have a brainstorming session to hear from parents about what they think is going well, what needs improvement, and some ideas for the future. When we are going to camp or out of town, we have mandatory parent meetings. Then sometimes we have training sessions, which usually come from brainstorming. I also utilize my small group leaders in communication. Once a month, they call home and tell a parent one thing they love about his or her child. This helps leaders take ownership of their groups and build relationships with parents. We use words such as “honor and privilege” in allowing us to work with their children (no matter who the parent is). I am huge on clarifying expectations in communication. When there is a problem, I always approach this face to face, whether with a team member or parent. My husband often reminds me that you can’t read tone. Therefore, if anything is sensitive in nature at all, it gets a phone call, and face to face provides eye contact and the ability to read body language. Communication is an area in which I constantly am working on getting better at with parents and co-workers.

Kerry: In terms of winning or losing trust with coworkers, parents and volunteers, communication either will make or break you. The difficulty that comes with effective communication is that different people and different age groups prefer and respond to different types or avenues of communication. The best or most effective communication avenue with students rarely is going to be the same as the best or most effective communication avenue with their parents. With students, avenues or methods of communication always are changing as the technology of their world changes. Within our student context here in North Carolina, we have found that our most effective student communication is through social media. For high schoolers, that currently means a steady combo of Instagram and Twitter. For our middle schoolers, currently it’s primarily Instagram. However, these current avenues for effective communication with students are temporary. We have to keep up with what they are using and be willing to know how to use that medium to communicate.

When it comes to coworkers, we want two things: 1) Give them a healthy lead time to know what’s coming; 2) Make sure they have enough details in that communication to be able to answer any questions they may receive. Nobody on staff wants to be asked something and have to say, “I don’t know.” This is yet another place where the discipline of organization and planning (such as calendaring a year out) comes into play.

Communication with parents is tricky. We try to accomplish three things with our parents: 1) Communicate regularly; 2) Communicate effectively; 3) Communicate efficiently. To communicate regularly, but avoid becoming white noise, we send out a single monthly newsletter. This newsletter goes out on the same day and at the same time of day every single month. That newsletter is comprised of a parent resource, info about the current high school and middle school small group series, parent/student interaction questions based on the current small group series, specific campus-related information, and upcoming events. The only time we send anything to parents from our office other than this newsletter is when their students have signed up for events and we need to give them specific event information. To communicate more effectively with parents, we provide our small group leaders with a content template to use in their weekly communication with the parents of the students in their small group. We want the parents to see these small group leaders as their go-to person for their children. We also limit the number of times we ask parents to come to us for meetings to a few strategic times a year (fifth grader/middle school preview night, sixth grade welcome weekend, eighth grader preview night, small group camp parent meetings and baptism celebration nights). Finally, we want to be efficient in our parent communication, so we use MailChimp for all of our newsletters and event letters. This allows us the ability to see our open rate and click rates. Yes, it’s nerdy, but we actually pay close attention to these open rates to see if we are being efficient in reaching parents with the information.

YWJ: How do you know when you’ve crossed the line and are working in an unhealthy rhythm? What strategies do you follow for being healthy?

Leneita: Hello, my name is Leneita, and I have no boundaries. I easily can succumb to doing everything all the time for everyone. I can work and work without recognizing I need to stop. Delegation is a key to success and longevity in ministry. One way to know what I need to delegate is that I make a list of everything I am doing in ministry. I then delineate three categories: Have To, Want To, Non-negotiable. The non-negotiable category includes things I must do. These are usually things my boss has told me I have to do. So, while I might want to delegate all staff meetings, he requires me to handle them. Then the Want To list is the easiest to delegate. These may be things I enjoy or do well; however, I am not the one who has to get them done. Sometimes if my plate is too full, some of these items might need to be shared. Finally, the Have To list can be the trickiest. These are tasks I believe I have to do but might be able to be delegated. I have to ask myself if I really have to or if I just think I do. I have to move things to others if I am going to be able to keep from thinking I have to do it all. Two other valuable lessons I have learned from a mentor: I have to ensure I have Sabbath time that cannot be infringed on by anyone or anything; the other he calls “balcony time.” This is when I work on my ministry but am not actually doing ministry. It helps me assess what is going on in my ministry and how all is working and moving forward.

I know when my balance is off that my frustrations outweigh my joy. When all I do is grumble and can’t see anything but negative aspects to everything, then I have to question some things. First, I ask, “Where is my relationship with the Lord? Am I missing my first love because I am too busy doing things for Him?” Then, I’ll ask, “When was the last time I did something I like to do (not have to do)?” This helps me step back and realize I might need to reorder my schedule to put some float in there. The final question I ask is, “When was the last time I spent time with people I like just because I like them?” Again, all of these questions are designed to help me see where my heart is and if there may be too much going on in my schedule. A friend once said to me, “Our plates are only too full when someone other than the Lord fills them.” Sometimes I have to take a good hard look at my plate.

Liz: I definitely have given into the temptation of being a workaholic. Last spring, I took on two part-time jobs while going to school full time and volunteering several hours a week with Youth for Christ and being on the youth board at church. I worked both part-time jobs 18 to 25 hours a week, so I had virtually no free time ever for those four months. After two months of that schedule and never having time to relax or spend time with the Lord, I knew something needed to change. When I was given the opportunity for the full-time internship, I knew that one of the part-time jobs had to go. So, I thought and prayed about it. I still work a lot, but I do not spread myself so thin between a variety of different activities. Working 40+ hours a week at one job is less work and less stressful than 40 hours between two or more jobs.

I spent time this summer making it a priority to spend time in prayer with the Lord, and my summer was so much better as a result. I was as busy as I was in the spring, but I was not working so many different jobs, and it did not seem like work. Doing a job you love and keeping God at the front of your focus makes the stress of life easier to handle. I have learned that it is OK not to do everything on your own. Being able to say no to new tasks is not something to be ashamed of. Delegation will become a key in your success and longevity in ministry. I have been blessed to learn from some of the best in youth ministry, and I’m excited to continue applying what I have learned in the classroom in a ministry of my own one day soon.

Kerry: I wrote a blog about this once because I hate the word balance when it comes to ministry and family. I believe balance is a lie. It’s chasing a mirage in the desert that promises to save you from the heat. It was more than seven ago now when my wife, who was pregnant with our first child, sat down on the couch next to me and asked me a question that I didn’t know how to answer. She said, “I need you to think about something and answer this question honestly for yourself and for us as a family: Are you are willing to be a better father than you are a student minister?” I always have said that it was and still is the single most challenging and impactful ministry question I have been asked. It was the one question related to student ministry that I wasn’t prepared to answer—the one question I didn’t want to answer—but I did answer, and my pause eventually gave way to the truth and led me to respond with, “I honestly don’t know.” This is what I wrote then and what I still stand behind today: “What if balance isn’t the right thing to shoot for?”

I would argue that ministry and family aren’t about balance at all. It’s about choice. Every day since that night more than seven years ago, I have approached leading a student ministry, my passion for it, my call to it, and my time I give to it making a choice. Seven years ago, I chose to answer yes: yes to being a better father than a student pastor, yes to being a larger part of my own children’s lives than I am a part of the lives of other people’s children, yes to my wife and kids being my first calling. I wish I could tell you that I am an expert at purposefully living an unbalanced life or that I never fail, but that would not be truthful. When it comes to the way I lead student ministry, I do my best to make a choice daily with structure, planning and what I consider my top priority.